So I generally have an issue with all of the relationship advice that puts ALL the burden on the woman to change and adjust in order to GET A MAN. However, as I have been unlucky in love over the past few years, I'm smart enough to know that it can't ALL be the men, that I need to look in the mirror myself. So I've been reading this one relationship book that talks about, among other things, that women should stop DOING SO MUCH to try to impress men, or show them what a good catch we are, etc. and let the men show us how worthy they are to us. One of the suggestions is to stop talking so much and listen to men and what they have to say without agreeing, disagreeing, trying to show connection or commonality, etc. Just listen.
I was skeptical about this piece of advice. I thought, 1) how boring I'll seem if I don't contribute to the conversation 2) how boring it will be for me just listening to him prattle on and on and 3) I have stuff to say, don't tell me what to do, I'm charming, dammit!!
But, hey, I'll try anything once. . . so last night I ended up one-on-one with a guy I've known for a while but have never really connected with, although I've wanted to. In the past, he's been polite, but never showed any interest, or particular desire to talk to me, even though I've thrown hints his way, tried to impress him, flirted etc. I just assumed he wasn't interested.
I came to the bar to see my friend Bobby who was visiting from out of town, this guy, Reggie, is his friend. So I get there, I say hi, I end up sitting between Bobby and Reggie. Soon after I get there Bobby leaves . . . so I'm kind of there by myself with Reggie. He was ready to go, and had closed his tab, but as he finishes his drink we start talking and I make a conscious effort to just listen . . . I don't think about what I'm gonna say next, I don't comment when I find something in common, I just look him in the eye and listen to what he has to say. And it was interesting! And then I wanted to know more and I asked some questions and listened some more. And next thing I know, he's ordering another drink, I've had three vodka tonics (when I only planned to have one), and I didn't have a tab to pay at the end (in all the years I've known him, Reggie has NEVER bought me a drink). The conversation, which started on movies, ended up covering a variety of topics including stuff about feeling purpose in life, and how one’s mate plays into that. And all I did was just listen.
When it was time to go he walked me to the train station and gave me a nice bear hug and kiss on the forehead. It was so nice. I felt really good on my way home. And for today that is enough.
So all this to say is maybe some those “relationship experts” know a thing or two about what they are talking about.
